


you don't know how lucky you are

by danvers_grant (diancsthemyscira)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Like, Mutual Pining, a really really long time ago, enjoy this, i just decided to expand it and make it more up do date so, idk how but stars and water found a way to be in here and i guess im not complaining but here you go, this was written awhile ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 11:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diancsthemyscira/pseuds/danvers_grant
Summary: cat grant stares up at a sky, full of stars, and wishes on every one of them for the will to never look back // kara danvers, under that same night sky, wonders and dreams about an escape from all the changeorin which cat gets drunk and misses kara and kara can't get drunk and misses cat. post 2x11.





	

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively titled: the stars they watch you weep

It's the same routine every night. Another evening spent, wasting away on her balcony. _Pining_ , of all things. Cat can’t help but roll her eyes at the cliche of it all. She’s better than cliches, god knows that she is, the years she's spent in the scrutiny of the public eye has taught her everything and even watching those godforsaken romantic comedies, Cat knows she's being utterly and ridiculously played into an awful trope.

 _Oh what the tabloids would say_ , she chuckles wryly at the thought of Lois Lane's latest piece in the Daily Planet - plastered all over the front page, some ridiculous cat pun and photos of herself and _her_ , together, displayed for all to see. Taking a sip from her glass, she settles and her mind wanders, delving deeper into her thoughts on _her_. Kara. Her 10:15.  Her former assistant. 

A frown makes its way onto her face. Kara deserves something more than a joking fulfillment of a cliche, she deserves more than what Cat has to offer. And now, Cat finds herself drowning her sorrows over a glass of cheap alcohol. She can’t help but wonder the what if of the whole situation. What if she had paid more attention to the blossoming woman in front of her? What if she had taken the time to learn more about her, to talk and to listen?  What if she had just simply let her in and held onto her? What if she had opened up more? 

Cat knows very well just how harsh she comes off as. She’s the CEO of a multimedia company, she has plenty enough reasons to be harsh as she is. But seeing Kara, with her smiles and her optimism, always seems to make her melt. She can’t help but wish to know what would have happened if she had the chance to actually hold that light in her arms… Standing, she saunters out towards the balcony, not bothering to grab her glass but instead, snatch the bottle from her desk. She stumbles outside underneath the starry night, and kicks off her heels before comfortably settling on her couch.

Looking to the moonlit sky, she’s startled by the realization that she never _knew_ Kara. Not like how Kara had come to know her. Kara Danvers had swept into her life and become such a grounding force for her in her times of need that Cat had . Within the first few months of working for CatCo, Kara had swiftly adapted to Cat - her every move and every tick, Kara knew just what she needed and had been a step ahead of her, already there with it. Always predicting her wants and needs - one step ahead of her. 

If only Kara knew what Cat _wanted_.

In all the years of her life, Cat was never the type to pine after a girl. Sure, there were a few tiny crushes back in college, but nothing more than flings. Especially the one with Lois Lane. But once again, here she was, starring at the stars in a drunken haze, praying to every deity out there that Kara could see her.

She should have known. Really, after years and years of reporting scandals and gossip, of watching the media like a hawk stalking prey - Cat Grant would have learned from at least mainstream media’s mistakes. The failed pining in the work place? A pity and a cliche. Last she’d heard, Miranda had that covered. She gagged in disgust. Kara deserved someone…someone more than her. Someone better. Less biting, smoother edges, and someone... someone who wasn't as used as her. 

Neither of them, James or Adam, truly know how lucky they are. Not by a long shot. Adam, in the time she's come to know him, she's recognized that he’s never been the true center of Kara’s attention and to Cat, it’s always refreshing - having someone simply to trust and someone to fall back on. And James? His faithfulness and loyalty to Kara was unparalleled and yet he didn't seem to recognize that she wasn't his property. At the same time however, Kara deserved someone so much better than her. So why not James? Why not Adam? 

With a headache slowly manifesting itself, Cat slung her glass across the balcony, where it collided and shattered into iridescent shards against the wall. She had to stop thinking about Kara. There was a reason she left National City, after all. 

//

On the other side of the country, Kara Danvers gazes up in bed, her eyes never leaving that same spot in the ceiling and her thoughts ever wandering. Staring through her ceiling, she's greeted by the same night sky glittered by stars. Her eyes instinctively look to Krypton and for Kara, or what once was her place in the sky, and her heart cracks at the loss of its bright light that was once shining there.

Everything had changed far too much and everything was moving too fast to comprehend, nights like this, where she often laid sleepless in bed plagued her far too often now. It gave her too much time to think and to process the problems she never wanted to confront or relive. Far too much time to think and too many what ifs and what happens next and what had i done wrong? All Kara feels is the burden of her heroics and she wonders if this is what Clark had gone through and she's suddenly reminded of the sting of his betrayal and abandonment, and now everything is too much. 

Her experience with red kryptonite and that feeling of power that coursed through her. Rao, she never wants to feel like that again so she buries it down and leaves it at the back of her mind but things can't be left unsaid for far too long and today, or yesterday, that White Martian as Alex had brought up too many things and now she wants to scream. The words she had said that night to Alex had never left her mind and settled in her stomach and all she feels now is guilt for never having listened.

And now, with Mon-El and his feelings and confession and recklessness in endangering others to save her, accompanied by the whiplash of his heroics and she feels so drained and she guesses, this is what Clark would have felt and then feels guilty and burdened all over again.  With James and Winn as Guardian on the streets and putting their lives in danger... Humans were fragile in her grasp before but now, they are far too fragile and too easy to lose, in being first hand witness to Myriad and it's destruction and now Cadmus, her heart aches for a people that she knows is destined to die and to doom themselves. To love and to cherish and to smile and to laugh mean there is someone there who will hate and-

She wants it all to be back to the way it was before. She wants to be selfish. To take what she wants again. Kara wants late nights at CatCo, working late and refilling Cat's m&ms jar. She wants game nights at her apartment, with Lucy and Winn and James and Alex and all their friendly competition. She wants more time away from the heroics but at the same time she wants to - she needs - to focus on finding Jeremiah and everything's been so chaotic and too much has been going on too fast. 

And Kara hates the change. 

Now she wishes that she had used the chance Cat had given her in diving. Diving meant swimming through rough waters, fighting up to get a breath of fresh air and now all Kara feels is drowning. She's drowning in all the water metaphors and the symbolism and so many other problems and on top of that her own feelings. 

A part of her feels like she's letting go of something, something that has so much potential and something that should feel right. But that's what she had said about James and it hadn't worked out and now she's stuck feeling so guilty again and she's done. Done with bottling up her feelings and done with hiding and pushing it in the shadows and done with being far too scatter brained to even think properly and even finish a report for Snapper. 

And so she stares at the stars, each and every one of them glittering and sparkling, and she wishes. She wishes she could be with Cat. Be away from all her problems and away from all the burdens and just, no more masks and no more hiding and no more being confused and lost.

Turning in her bed, she finally takes her eyes away from the stars and closes them. And she lets her dreams wander and she lets herself this moment of vulnerability, and sheds a tear, and allows herself the moment to admit, that she misses Cat Grant. 

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by something from an old tumblr post by supergirltosavethegay, i just saw it today and decided to put it on here so ye. enjoy!!


End file.
